STRESS AH...
i stress,you stress,everyone stress...ystd didnt attend sch,gt a bad throat,my voice like gg dissappear liao.so end up dint even join mr hon n classmates at bugis for dinner.another reason is that bugis has sort of become my 'shang xing di' a place that wil bring back my past memories... dinner with classmates is somehow a happy occasion,it'll be better that i dun go there n dampen the spirit of everyone.i cant promise myself that i'll not drop tears there...i know my limits
ended up met yvonne patrick and derick go woodlands,meet her fren jacq then we went off to watch 'long hu men' the chinese movie that got nic tse,shawn yue that one...so-so only la.then after that slack at the open space.then dunno y every1 end up drinking???then somehow we all jus went home.the details i also nt vv sure liao~
guess somethings jus make each of us vv stress/sad about bah~
the past two daes,have been sleeping in the afternoon,and gg out at nite.to settle some stuff i say???friday after sch,actually intend to sleep whole day,cos of some things that happen on wednesday.until now,i'm stil uncertain abt some personal feelings...this is the...
anyway,friday went out with yvonne and ivan n friends...walk ard bugis,then later went cine n caught a crappy movie.bed n breakfast...damn waste money de.even if u ask mie to watch it for free again,i also dun wanna watch.damn crappy lors...
yeah~then after that wanted to go meet reeve,then he fly us aeroplane la.go all the way down liao,wasted 10bucks,n then he nv come meet us.-___-
then after tt bo bian go hm lor...
sat nite went out to bedok n meet someone,him lo...
must really thx yvonne n him for talking to mie so much for like 12hrs liddat.TON till like 11am then go home...
finally i understood n gt the final view on some particular issues...
however,honestly speaking,regarding that one person.its rather impossible for me to totally take it that it has nv happen before.for all along,its alwaes on my mind.sometimes,i wonder why did all these happen?perhaps this is retribution?god is taking things away from mie,punishing mie...
i wanna faster finish my work~so that i can go sleep...haven been sleeping well,or at least slp for more than 2hrs...dun wish to elaborate too much on it...
pple that i try to treasure,devote my time n heart to them...but in the end,its just some ultimate disappointment that i get in return...wondering why is all this shit happening to mie..all at one time.things were so unpredictable...or shall i say that i knew that somehow it'll come sooner or later,yet i choose to live in the state of self-denial...deceving myself that all is fine???what did i do wrong in this case?
perhaps what yvonne say was true?his feelings towards me was_____________.
cant believe that i actually fuckingly cried in the lecture hall.In a big LT with hundreds of pple.making a myself look like idiot.jus because of the sms?fo 2hrs,i pondered over things.tried telling myself not to tink too much about it,telling myself that i've other priorites in life to take care of...however,tears jus flowed down my eyes...yvonne called me after that,cried over the fone again...i never expected myself to become like this,jus because over someone...In my 18 yrs of life,nv tried crying so much in a day.I cant account for this behaviour of mine,perhaps its jus some feelings that i cldnt let go bah~
after school,went home change n went out to meet him,talk out some things.
then i asked yvonne to come down bedok n accp mie...she damn kind lor,come out all the way frm zouk to bedok meet mie...then after that,she suggested we go KBOX n sing...haix
dunno how to say le,some songs just have lyrics that describe how down u're feeling at that pt of time...freaking cold in KBOX.almost turned into ice sculpture.after k-ing..we went back bedok again.go meet reeve who was like seh liao liddat @__@
first time in my life,i did such farnie tings at like 3am in de morning.
then after that meet another fren again,sit at void deck there n talk cock sing song play mahjong until like 6am liddat.went hm,then go sch liao...
until now,haven sleep yet,also haven eat =X...
damn shaggg~
recently dun really feel like eating.dunno issit because of that dream/nightmare that i have.
whatever happens,my mission impossible stil must carry on,no matter wad~
i
f you think that by gg ard n telling pple that how 'good' i am,i'll feel bad n stuff~muahhahaaa..whateva you tink..more bitchy-sluts to add to my bitch list...so wad if u're surrounded with friends(at least u tink u are).i dint live in a world of my own,i'm contented with what i hav now,or at least i've learnt something called to learn n treasure what you have.n not yearn for unrealistic dreams n hopes n whateva u wish to have...currently,i'm nt sure if the 'wish' of mine ia a realistic one or nt~when will he come back to mie???or will he ever do that?'shi qu le cai dong de yong you de ke gui' tts wad i heard during listening comphre today too~i really wish that some things in life had never happen b4...but like wad is being taught...we can never turn back time...do not dwell on the past neither do we live in the fantasies that we thought of...i do not hate pple,its jus disappointment in them~
FUCKING POHPIAH...I SINCERELY HATE YOU~
KKNBCCB...n also not forgetting someone who thinks that she is so great..not very convenient to mention names here.always saying that 'eh,actually she's very nice/good de lor'.if that paricular great person thinks thats shes so great,then wad about her attitude towards another subject teacher's lesson???hurhurhur..afterall,we all are different individuals,with differnt perspectives n beliefs in life.
However,in my opinion,i feel that there's some discrimination among a particular group of people,especially some1 that i have to see from monday to friday.its nt every1,but jus that some1 that i've mentioned above...FUCK HER LA~with her 'oh soooo great' thinking...knnccb~pui pui pui~
4th day since i lost my contact with them...god's good will? trying hard to find a day to go down guan ying tang to pray..n i dunno how to tell mummy i dun wan tuition anymore...hmmm~tink i'll find a way bah..nobody will be able to help me le,except for mie myself...i dunno how the hell did H2 came up with the accusation that he said to mie...but i guess he's really dissapointed in mie this time.nv had such things ever happen since our friendship started..or did he ever treated me as a friend at all?perhaps the saying that only after you lose something,then you'll know its importance to you...i think this is very true~why didnt i realise how dumb i was?alwaix taking things for granted..now its no use crying over spilte milk...whatever it is,i know how i shall carry on this lonely path n how i shall i end it....
what the hell is happening?in this whole week,really soo much things have happen..first is with regards to my academic results...so far,got back my maths n GP n econs MCQ onli..n first time in my life,got such lousy results..dunno what the hell am i stil holding on to?anyway,like i said,nobody cares anymore...not schoolmates,not too damn teachers,not friends,not him n also not even HIM...he MIA-ed for 48hrs...n still counting...I guess this is an end to my relationship with them...seriously think that i kena kick out now...dunno what the hell is going on now...my messed up life n all sorts of rubbish...if i really kena abandon by them,to think frm another point of view,could it actually be god's good will,to give mie a break frm them,so i could concentrate on my studies and do well for my A levels?hmmm,perhaps this is jus my wishful thinking only...
Now i start to wonder if my existence still matters to anyone at all...serious deep in my heart,perhaps what the saying in life is very true,whateva is not yours,you'll nv get it...however,what is going to be yours,its yours,no matter how you run away you'll sure kena de...its all predestined...
whats's predestined for mie,i think i'm still not quite sure,yet i'm pretty sure...
the final verdict:i'm being forgotten in this world,n my presence does it stil matters?i dun think so...wo shi ge bei yi wang de ren...
i think we'll be better off as friends..serious..
i had enough of everything,n i suppose this is the best and most fair solution to all those troubles and complication...call hoe hwee later bah~
if he happens to read this blog by chance,mayb i only gt one ting to say....
